I had done a lot of manual work, what like most among them is the scarf that I make up to mom.
我做过很多手工作品，其中最喜欢的是我给妈妈编的围巾。
Scarf is made up with wool. Want to prepare the wool with one big beautiful group above all. Pester wool on a bat then, arrange wool rub one's palm along smooth out with the fingers. It is a department of wool next on a baluster of the window, begin to make up scarf according to the method. After been make up, the both ends scarf hits fast knot finally, lest off line.
围巾是用毛线编成的。首先要准备一大团漂亮的毛线。接着就把毛线缠在一块板子上，把毛线捋顺。然后把毛线的一头系在窗户的一根栏杆上，按照方法开始编围巾。编好以后，最后把围巾的两头都打上死结，免得脱线。
I feel scarf is made up very beautifully, I am very satisfactory. I gave mother it, mom closes gladly not approach mouth. Although be being made up so that often make mistake in the process, do poorly done work over again many times, let me have a place not happy, but look at mom's happy look, my not happy run smooth, fill resembles in the heart honey is euqally sweet!
我觉得围巾编得很漂亮，我很满意。我把它送给了妈妈，妈妈高兴的合不拢嘴。虽然在编得过程中老出错，返工了好几次，让我有点不开心，但是看着妈妈高兴的样子，我的不开心就都跑光了，心里像灌了蜜一样甜！
The adviser comments on:
导师点评：
Begin is understood simply, direct point understands a theme, in the so much boondoggle that oneself do, like the most complacent work to give mom's scarf namely most. Your language conveys intermediate part very fluent, the statement is clear and coherent, punctuation mark is used correct, and paragraph administrative levels is very clear. You introduced you to weave the course of scarf to mom according to measure not only, and when still keeping the gift that receives you when mom, her happy and excited expression, what the heart affirms mom to come out than behaving expression at that time is more glad, because this is the daughter's intention, stitch a gleam of is the daughter love to mom. The place: that should improve? Does the tip grow of grave of busy of attentively fish hawk to denounce mace of the Song Dynasty of divide evenly of ┒ of suddenly of bits blame guanidine to flinch Mu Miao of ⌒ of of Ken of americium garden ∩ lets window does of shelfing of standing tall and upright talk about by ?
开头简单明了，直接点明了主题，自己做的那么多手工品中，最喜欢最得意的作品就是送给妈妈的围巾。中间部分你的语言表达很流畅，语句通顺，标点符号使用正确，而且段落层次很清晰。你不仅按照步骤介绍了你给妈妈织围巾的过程，而且还写到了当妈妈收到你的礼物时，她开心兴奋的神情，妈妈当时内心肯定比表现表现出来的更加欣喜，因为这是女儿的心意，一针一线都是女儿对妈妈的爱。应改进之处:可以在叙事的过程中加入一些对人物的语言啊神态啊心理等描写，这样过程更加生动。