One day in the morning, I come in a grove, which Zha was encountered below a large tree. I am extremely glad, want to let him taking me to go really the East China Sea plays well. Next, I go by, ask him: &Ldquo; which Zha, can you take me to play? He says ” : &Ldquo; is OK of course, the East China Sea but amused, then we go now. After I listened to ” become very happy in the heart, of the back skipping and hopping that I follow in which Zha (the ground) set out.
有一天早晨，我来到一个小树林里，在一棵大树下遇到了哪吒。我高兴极了，真想让他带着我去东海好好玩玩。然后，我就走过去，问他:“哪吒，你能带着我去东海里玩吗？”他说:“当然可以啦，东海可好玩了，那我们现在就走吧。”我听了之后心里乐开了花，我跟在哪吒的身后一蹦一跳的（地）出发啦。
We went for ages for ages, come to the side of the coast of the East China Sea eventually. Abrupt, a gale is blown, billow dashs to the skies on offing. Then, 3 prince are taking arms of a few shrimp to come up to the sea perambulatory. They are going, discover us two. Staring at him all the time, tongue-lash: &You do Ldquo; what is staring at me to look all the time, the letter did not believe me to kill you. I still do not have ” reaction of there's still time, 3 prince were taking spear to be pricked to us. Not bad which Zha rate is quite rapid, pulling me to sheer.
我们走了好久好久，终于来到了东海的海岸边。突然，一阵大风吹来，海面上滔天巨浪。接着，三太子带着几个虾兵到海上来巡视。他们走着走着，发现我们俩。一直盯着他，就大骂道:“你们干什么一直盯着我看，信不信我杀了你们。”我还没来得及反应，三太子就拿着长枪向我们刺了过来。还好哪吒速度够快，拉着我躲开了。
Then, a magic weapon that which Zha takes out him resembles (to) 3 prince hit the past, 3 prince utterly discomfited, take out spear to resemble (to) our thorn comes. But he is not quite argute, come over without timely response, by which Zha paste is dead.
接着，哪吒拿出他的法宝像（向）三太子打过去，三太子气急败坏，拿出长枪就像（向）我们刺来。但是他不够机灵，没有及时反应过来，就被哪吒狠狠地打死了。
Finally, which Zha was taking me to play everywhere, with a lot of of a lot of interesting thing that I said to happen in the East China Sea, he still ate to me a lot of a lot of delicious, zha where following plays together simply too marvellous!
最后，哪吒带着我到处玩了个遍，跟我说了东海里发生的好多好多的有趣的事情，他还给我吃了好多好多好吃的，跟哪吒在一起玩简直太棒了!
The adviser comments on:
导师点评：
Although the article is cut short, but your imagination is very peculiar, related the story of oneself and which Zha not only, still have the battle with prince of Wangsan of dragon of the East China Sea, draw materials is novel, the imagination is bold and rich. Article begin is novel, use conversational form, natural and vivid, readability is strong, attract the reader's curiosity. Catch young writer to come in the thing of happening of the East China Sea to our tirelessly path with full passion, through abounding the character's language and movement, those who show which Zha is brave and clever with 3 prince impatient and irritable. But lack details picture, expression is not quite sufficient and dynamic, if young writer is OK,keep which Zha and the war of 3 prince a bit more specific the meeting is more marvellous. Terminal and wraparound language, short and strong, can look reach this is wonderful make a person again not be willing to part with or use a day. Want to notice the wrongly written or mispronounced characters in article more later, strive for appear no longer, cheer!
文章虽然剪短，但是你的想象力很奇特，不仅讲述了自己和哪吒的故事，还有和东海龙王三太子的战争，取材新颖，想象大胆丰富。文章开头新颖，采用对话的形式，自然生动，可读性强，吸引读者的好奇心。接着小作者以饱满的激情向我们娓娓道来在东海发生的事情，通过丰富人物的语言和动作，表现出哪吒的勇敢聪明和三太子的急躁易怒。但是缺少细节描写，表达不够充分有力，如果小作者可以将哪吒与三太子的战争写得具体一点会更棒。结尾概括之语，短促有力，可以看得出这是精彩又令人不舍得一天。以后要多注意文中错别字，争取不再出现，加油！