“ I am mother of ” of a bad child ever said to me so.
“我是一个坏孩子”母亲曾这样对我说。
I in those days regard this as nevertheless a fun, do not have care about, what I am myself is medium take an examination of and terribly defeated, maternal sigh and groan also is a paragraph of small episode stopped nevertheless, it is what is more,the rather that in my memory, the mother is precise in that way figure.
那时的我不过把这当成一句玩笑，并无在意，我正在为自己的中考而焦头烂额，母亲长吁短叹也不过是一小段插曲罢了，何况在我心目中，母亲是那样严谨的形象。
That is one is burned by the setting sun red dusk, kneading dry eye to walk along the balcony, see the new people with those fresh dress, walk along a street to string together alley, coma is taking again however unwilling. Red light turns green, the banging song of the car stops from street in nest of pleasant to hear. I remember myself imitate achievement, sighed, planning to answer a room to read a book, continue to face the mathematical function that those your poll are fond of, and the line of sight gathers together to go up in a thick notebook however, having wood palm black and Wen Run's colour and lustre, I go by, open it.
那是一个被残阳烧红的傍晚，揉着干涩的眼睛走到阳台，看那些衣着鲜艳的陌生人们，走街串巷，麻木却又带着一份不甘。红灯转绿，汽车的轰鸣声从街头辍入耳窝中。我想起自己一次次的模拟成绩，叹了口气，正打算回房看书，继续面对那些令人头疼的数学函数，而视线却汇聚在一个厚本子上，有着木头棕黑而又温润的色泽，我走过去，打开它。
It is maternal diary so. I do not restrain the curiosity that spills over in him heart, begin to leaf through from the first page, saw that girl 15 years ago it seems that, pure and clean, stand carefreely before me, I can't help happy. Continue in the future breaks up, the mother begins the traitorous and aching worry because of me, date slips gradually to recently, I saw the character with that one chief end length, this ability is clear, the mother is so called “ the implied meaning that I am ” of a bad child.
原来是母亲的日记。我抑制不住自己心中溢出的好奇，从第一页开始翻看，似乎看见了那个十五年前的小姑娘，单纯干净，无忧无虑地站在我面前，我不禁乐了。继续往后翻去，母亲开始因为我的叛逆而心痛苦恼，日期逐渐滑向了近日，我看见了那一段长长的文字，这才明白，母亲所谓的“我是一个坏孩子”的寓意。
The mother is born in border a of Suzhou small town, get on even the map to also find the name that is less than her, the city is not big, however hill has water, I love the cordate telosma there alone, have domestic taste all the more. The mother is a pure southern girl, in the eye of grandfather grandmother, she is them the pride on whole town, take an examination of the person know clearly that attends a college that year, and mother row among them. Be in a years that 18 years old, she goes to provincial capital Nanjing attending a college, met my father. Graduate one day that, the mother changes ferial and gentle and the strength of guileless, of not resigned He Ren dissuade, come to North Jiangsu along with him. She guards this love stubbornly, she does not hear parental word for the first time, she made selfish decision for the first time.
母亲出生在毗邻苏州的一个小城，连地图上也寻不到她的名字，城不大，却有山有水，我独爱那儿的夜来香，格外有家的味道。母亲是个地道的南方姑娘，在外公外婆的眼中，她是他们整个镇上的骄傲，那年考上大学的人了了，而母亲位列其中。就在18岁那一年，她去省城南京上大学，遇上了我的父亲。毕业那一天，母亲一改平日温和而朴实的性子，不听任何人的劝阻，随他来到苏北。她倔强地守护这份爱情，她第一次不听父母的话，她第一次做出了自私的决定。
The mother comes to unfamiliar North Jiangsu, she cast parents to arrange good job for her already, cast the father and mother that played south, act wilfully. Grandmother once was crying to say to me: “ she can have a rough time. The uses coarse of dry uneducated person the back of hand with ” ceaseless grandmother is brushing tear, sound is aged just dry, and the mother in those days, decisive all the more however.
母亲来到了陌生的苏北，她抛开了父母早已为她安排好的工作，抛下了南方的父母，一意孤行。外婆曾经哭着对我说：“她会受苦的。”外婆不停的用干老粗糙的手背擦着眼泪，声音苍老而已干涩，而那时的母亲，却格外果断。
The mother is delivered of me that 27 years old years in her, I am born in that cicada to cry to be handed in with heat wave miscellaneous June, the mother exhausted half life takes me to this lovely world, grandmother is afraid that the mother bears hardships, be born to abandon grandfather from me, will to North Jiangsu take care of me. This comes, it is ten years, and grandfather is a person all the time wait for in that Xiaochengzhong, spring Festival ability meets. Grandfather body not beautiful, in one's childhood grandmother mentions candy from the regular meeting when be being snatched in my hand, grandfather suffers from diabetic several years, but as before hopeful and active. The illness of grandfather all the time very stable, the life also is spent lightly flatly so, even if slant angular, what also rely on medicaments to maintain his ceaselessly is healthy, but grandfather is heroic existence all the time it seems that in my eye.
母亲在她27岁那年生下我，我出生在那个蝉鸣和热浪交杂的六月，母亲用尽了半条命把我带到这个可爱的世界上，外婆怕母亲吃苦，从我一出生就撇下外公，来到苏北照顾我。这一来，就是十几年，而外公一直是一个人待在那座小城中，春节才能见面。外公身体不佳，小时候外婆把糖从我手中夺走时常会提起，外公患糖尿病好几年了，但依旧乐观而积极。外公的病情一直都很稳定，生活也就这样平平淡淡地度过，哪怕偏消瘦，也不断靠药物维持自己的身体健康，但外公在我眼中似乎一直都是顶天立地的存在。
Until by that April, I am in of in full swing for reference, hear is in to the mother lie between in a low voice lachrymal, of the sort of depression lachrymal. I stop the pen in the helper, explore body enters a room, I never had seen her that about, in resembling the gigantic animal of a Wei bank crouching in cave same, she uses face of hand attack by surprise, wiping tear with the hand ceaselessly, tears still rolls her rim of the eye ceaselessly, another hand is slipping as before mobile phone screen, the sort of ache from what excessive comes out in blood-vessel, flood nerve ending gradually, spread everywhere to the body along skeleton, the sort of overwhelm imposing manner, resembling is the omen before seismic sea wave, my concealed is worn of own heart feel distressed, before walking up, she sees me, that is how helpless look, I do not know what to should say, from inside light of purpose of mobile phone bright, I see before is the message that grandfather hair comes to. Original grandfather because of diabetic cause, eyesight gave an issue, bring about tear stains to jam, tear flows ceaselessly drip, be solved only according to armrest art. Maternal first time knocks his hard armature broken, let me have an insight into the softness of her heart, or is flimsy, I am at a loss a little, voice mouth is acerbity acerbity, a few comforted words are born forcedly, can pat her shoulder with handle gently only, I know her in the heart helpless, fear to remorse with ashamed.
直到那个四月底，我正在热火朝天的备考，听闻到母亲在隔间小声的啜泣，那种压抑的啜泣。我停下手中的笔，探身入房间，我从未看到过她那番模样，像个伟岸的巨兽蜷缩在山洞中一样，她用手掩面，不断用手抹着眼泪，眼泪还是不断滚出她的眼眶，另一只手依旧滑着手机屏幕，那种从血管深处溢出来的疼，渐渐淹没神经末梢，沿着骨骼向身体各处蔓延，那种势不可挡的气势，像是海啸前的征兆，我隐着自己内心的心疼，走上前，她看到我，那是怎样无助的目光啊，我不知道该说些什么，从手机灼目的光线中，我看到原来是外公发来的消息。原来外公因糖尿病的缘故，视力出了问题，导致泪管堵塞，眼泪不断地流淌，只有依靠手术来解决。母亲第一次将自己坚硬的盔甲敲碎，让我洞察了她内心的柔软，抑或脆弱，我有些不知所措，嗓子口涩涩的，几句安慰的话硬生生，只能用手轻拍她的肩膀，我知道她内心深处的无助，害怕和愧疚。
As in take an examination of date day by day to draw near, the imitate of every time takes an examination of chaos of horse of Dou Bing barren, I am too busy to pay close attention to the illness of grandfather too much, achievement and frozen rank bestrew me already all pallium, having an accuse and denounce at a meeting with time everyday. The mother is helping the ophthalmologist that official inquiry Shanghai writes a composition outside the move, I am ferial when snatch a moment of leisure now and then ask: Grandfather is the closest how, those who get is a mother not salty a not weak: OK still. Say me gangmaster deeply in the problem lake that embedded Na Yongyuan does not become, oversight mother that with each passing day the face of angst.
随着中考日期一天一天地临近，每一次的模拟考都兵荒马乱的，我无暇过多地关注外公的病情，那些一次次的成绩和冰冷的排名早已布满我所有的大脑皮层，每天都在和时间进行斗争。母亲在帮着外作文公查询上海的眼科医师，我平日偷闲时偶尔问一句：外公最近怎么样了，得到的都是母亲不咸不淡的一句：还可以。说完我又把头深深地埋入那永远做不完的题海中，一次次忽略了母亲那日渐焦虑的脸庞。
Remember dimly, that is the day that achievement announces after 3 models, the rank that sees oneself progressed forth many, most headaching science department achievement also had substantially rise, the Cheng Man in the heart the syrup that is called joyance, ropy and full-bodied, taking the bright-coloured icing of a few minutes of candied color, I am full of the regular bus after sitting gladly to study by oneself in scheduled time late to come home, the figure with familiar mother sees when getting off, do not stop to share my results with her. She looks at me very tender ground is laughing, she is holding my hand, what I can give her control with finger tip caress is icy, xiaye is so frowsty dry, how maternal hand however all the more cool, I ask whether she caught a cold, she shakes her head. In returning the home, the mother tells me, grandfather goes to Shanghai becoming an operation today, I one Jing, ask about the circumstance of grandfather at once, she is crowded give an agonized smile to say, grandfather already was not had hinder greatly, I just put down a heart to come, return a study again, continue sprint my in one's deceased father.
依稀记得，那是三模之后成绩公布的日子，看到自己的排名往前进步了不少，最头疼的理科成绩也有了大幅度的提高，心中盛满了名叫喜悦的糖浆，粘稠而醇厚，带着几分糖果色的鲜艳糖衣，我满怀欣喜地坐上晚自习后的班车回家，下车时看见母亲熟悉的身影，便止不住和她分享我的收获。她看着我很温柔地笑着，她握着我的手，我可以用指尖摩挲出她手心的冰凉，夏夜如此闷燥，怎么母亲的手却格外的凉，我问她是否感冒了，她摇了摇头。回到家中，母亲告诉我，外公今天去上海做手术，我一惊，连忙问起外公的情况，她挤出一个苦涩的笑容说，外公已无大碍，我才放下心来，又回到书房，继续冲刺我的中考。
The achievement after be being taken an examination of in is in anticipation, do not have big breakthrough, not bad brush the fractional line of key high school, take admission notice that momently, I put down a thousand pieces of gold on the shoulder to carry eventually, a few days that of later, I meet hastily with the classmate, hurried ground goes getting diploma, hurried ground and teacher take a picture accept as a souvenir, hurried ground and junior high school leave, hurried ground went demon, old flourishing city considered in seeing a dream, hurried arrival asks to the mother not as good as: Grandfather now how.
中考后的成绩在预料之中，并没有大的突破，还好擦过了重点高中的分数线，拿到录取通知书的那一刻，我终于放下肩上的千金担，后来的那几日，我匆忙地和同学聚会，匆忙地去领毕业证书，匆忙地和老师拍照留念，匆忙地与初中告别，匆忙地去了魔都，看尽了梦中想了多年的繁华都市，匆忙到来不及向母亲问一句：外公现在怎么样了。
Arrived very quickly in September, I entered brand-new school yard, new teacher, new fellow student, let oneself blend in new collective as soon as possible. Time is advanced ahead, the crepuscular time that arrived that day again, nervous high school lives, I always love to open beloved bookcase, a when there am me over there Elysian, hit by accident bump by accident dim was destined to turn over that diary commonly.
很快到了九月，我步入了崭新的校园，陌生的老师，陌生的同学，让自己尽快融入新的集体。时间向前推进，又到了那日的黄昏时分，紧张的高中生活之余，我总爱打开心爱的书柜，那里有我的一片乐土，误打误撞又冥冥注定一般翻开了那本日记。
“ I am mother of ” of a bad child regard that diarial as begin with this unexpectedly, my look slips downward down linage, for a short while, all is quiet.
“我是一个坏孩子”母亲竟用这个作为那篇日记的开头，我的目光顺着行数向下滑去，一时间，万籁俱寂。
“ child is fast in took an examination of, father got eye disease again, when I am informed this message, the first reaction is to go to Shanghai accompanying father to become an operation, click when me however when buying a ticket, I hesitated, my child is about to be faced with in one's deceased father, pressure is enormous, she cannot leave my ” . I abruptly heart unripe ashamed remorses, I in those days, be worth to oneself expectation slightly some taller, the achievement after taking an exam every time has a bit not ideal, come through the means that quarrels with the mother him drain inner pressure, can be me that time second hysterical, increased how many pressure to the mother at that time again. I look then, the mother writes so: “ my hesitation, I was not clicked finally buy a ticket, I think, my child needs me to be beside more, and she did not write down father ……” , be to was not written? Probably she just does not know how to be written down. That momently I, quiet heart immediately surfy, fierce wind is overflowed roll, that wind has swayed side side, also did not have original tender feelings again, frozen liquid slips down orbit below, roll a pupil fully, sequence of thought of has flowed each inches of skin all is aching, montage of subconscious elephant parallel is mirrorring commonly those pictures, in the enlarge on pallium, become clear however confused, a person goes Shanghai becoming an operation grandfather, a person lies on sickbed, that momently what he needs most is my mother in the company beside ah. I am unthinkable, grandfather eye finishs operation, be cheated double eye, the dinner that how eats is a person? A person is how to finish infusion, change medicine? Should the hesitation that the mother engraves in that be how struggle? Whether does the mother regret? Regret far marry an alien land? The picture with bright act of that one act, let me can't help in the heart blunt painful, have kind of asphyxial anguish.
“孩子快中考了，父亲又得了眼疾，当我得知这个消息时，第一个反应是去上海陪父亲做手术，然而当我点击购票时，我犹豫了，我的孩子即将面临中考，压力巨大，她离不开我”。我猛然心生愧疚，那时的我，对自己的期望值略高了些，每次考试后成绩稍有不理想，便通过和母亲争吵的方式来宣泄自己内心的压力，可是我那一次次的歇斯底里，又给当时的母亲增添了多少压力。我接着看下去，母亲这样写道：“我犹豫了，我最终没有点击购票，我想，我的孩子更需要我在身边，而父亲……”她没有写下去，是没有写完吗？或许她只是不知如何写下去吧。那一刻的我，平静的内心顿时波涛汹涌，狂风漫卷，那风吹拂过耳畔，再也没有了最初的柔情，冰冷的液体顺着眼眶滑下，饱满地滚出瞳孔，流过的每一寸皮肤脉络皆是疼痛，潜意识象平行蒙太奇一般倒映着那些画面，在大脑皮层上放大，变得清晰却又混乱，外公是一个人去上海做手术的，一个人躺在病床上，那一刻他最需要的是我母亲在身旁的陪伴啊。我无法想象，外公眼睛做完手术，被蒙上双眼，一个人是怎样吃的晚餐呢？一个人又是怎样完成输液，换药呢？母亲在那刻的犹豫该是如何的挣扎？母亲是否后悔？后悔远嫁他乡？那一幕幕鲜明的景象，让我不由得心中钝痛，有种窒息的痛苦。
That momently, I just understood a that of the mother: I, it is a bad child.
那一刻，我才读懂了母亲的那一句：我，是一个坏孩子。
This word, concealed a mother rear of how many self-condemned ah.
这句话，背后隐藏了母亲多少的自责啊。
Filial piety of 100 be apt to is first, we often are taught to want to learn to be thankful, but how many have again we already parents worry about and care regarded as of course, again how many person became that bad child, I am traitorous those years, the mother faces storm she chose herself to assume.
百善孝为先，我们常常被教导要学会感恩，但又有多少的我们早已把父母的操心和关爱当成了理所当然，又有多少人成为了那个坏孩子，我叛逆的那些年，母亲面对风浪她选择了自己承担。
“ I am ” of a bad child it is not just self-condemned, it is an apology to family more.
“我是一个坏孩子”不仅仅是一句自责，更是一句对家人的歉意。
“ I am ” of a bad child
“我是一个坏孩子”
“ but I can become a good child. I can learn to be thankful, I can be brought up well. ”
“但我会成为一个好孩子的。我会学会感恩，我会好好长大。”(文/白羽加)